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Did you hear about the doityourself funeral from Flashcomment Dead and dying jokes Jokes
Did you hear about the do-it-yourself funeral? They just loosen the earth and you sink down by yourself.

Teacher If I had ten flies on from Flashcomment Dead and dying jokes Jokes
Teacher: If I had ten flies on my desk, and I swatted one, how many flies would be left? Girl: One - the dead one!

Why did the monster take a dead from Flashcomment Dead and dying jokes Jokes
Why did the monster take a dead man for a drive in his car? Because he was a car-case.

Waiter waiter Theres a dead fly in from Flashcomment Dead and dying jokes Jokes
Waiter, waiter! There's a dead fly in my soup. Oh no! Who's going to look after his family?

Doctor doctor I feel dead from the from Flashcomment Dead and dying jokes Jokes
Doctor, doctor, I feel dead from the waist down. I'll arrange for you to be halfburied.

If a man was born in England from Flashcomment Dead and dying jokes Jokes
If a man was born in England, raised in America and died in Spain, what does that make him? Dead.

Did you hear about the two men from Flashcomment Dead and dying jokes Jokes
Did you hear about the two men who were cremated at the same time? It was a dead heat.

Did you hear about the man who from Flashcomment Dead and dying jokes Jokes
Did you hear about the man who left his job at the mortuary? It was a dead end job.

First ghoul You dont look too well from Flashcomment Dead and dying jokes Jokes
First ghoul: You don't look too well today. Second ghoul: No, I'm dead on my feet.

Where do ghosts go for their holidays from Flashcomment Dead and dying jokes Jokes
Where do ghosts go for their holidays? The Dead Sea.

What do you find in a zombies from Flashcomment Dead and dying jokes Jokes
What do you find in a zombie's veins? Dead blood corpuscles.

Whats a zombies favorite pop song Dead from Flashcomment Dead and dying jokes Jokes
What's a zombie's favorite pop song? Dead sails in the sunset.

What do you call a man who from Flashcomment Dead and dying jokes Jokes
What do you call a man who has been dead and buried for thousands of years? Pete.

What has four legs a tail whiskers from Flashcomment Dead and dying jokes Jokes
What has four legs, a tail, whiskers and flies? A dead cat.

What is the difference between a musician from Flashcomment Dead and dying jokes Jokes
What is the difference between a musician and a dead body? One composes and the other decomposes.

What lies on the ground feet up from Flashcomment Dead and dying jokes Jokes
What lies on the ground 100 feet up in the air and smells? A dead centipede.

Whats the difference between a very old from Flashcomment Dead and dying jokes Jokes
What's the difference between a very old, shaggy Yeti and a dead bee? One's a seedy beast and the other's a deceased bee.

Sam was on his death bed and from Flashcomment Dead and dying jokes Jokes
Sam was on his death bed, and his wife and children were gathered around him. Suddenly the aroma of chopped liver filled the room. Sam perked up a bit and said to his wife, "That's it, one last time before I die I must have some of your delicious chopped liver." Sam's wife looked at him sadly and said, "Sorry Sam, it's for after."

A woman goes into a funeral home from Flashcomment Dead and dying jokes Jokes
A woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit. He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?" But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank check to buy one. When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director how much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost. He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So... I switched the heads."

A Packer fan was enjoying himself at from Flashcomment Dead and dying jokes Jokes
A Packer fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Lambeau Field, until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was. The guy said, "Yes, that's my wife's seat. We have never missed a game since the Lombardi days, but now my wife is dead." The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really too bad he couldn't find some relative to give the ticket to so they could enjoy the game together... "Oh no," the guy said, "they're all at the funeral."